20/2/2025 | Thu, 20 February

"Haunted by a constant restlessness..."
After a period of self-reflection, trying to understand why this anxiety has stayed with me since my treatments ended, I believe I’m starting to figure it out.

Going through an illness so closely linked to death has left me with the feeling that I’m still near it. Now, when I’m working or simply going through an ordinary day, I feel an intense frustration, my patience is gone for meaningless things. It still seems like my time is running out, like I’m wasting it... as if that very act were an offense to my own life.

This perception makes me feel like I’m not valuing the time I have and that I should be living only for what I’m passionate about. As if life were too short to be lived indifferently. And so, the urgency arises. The need to experience everything I haven’t yet lived, haunted by a constant restlessness, a reminder that time is finite and a need to make every moment count.

yeah... looks like I’ll have a lot to talk about in my next therapy session.

9/1/2025 | Thu, 09 January

"It felt like a thousand light-years passed in just one year..."
2024 went by so fast that only now I'm finding the time to breathe and process everything that happened to me. It felt like a thousand light-years passed in just one year. It changed me so much and I’m only just realizing it now... I can’t look at old photos anymore without getting this weird feeling. It’s so strange.. like I’m looking at a different person, a different life, with different dreams and a whole new perspective. It’s as if that life belonged to someone else.

My old life is gone, and now I have this new chance to start over. It’s a freeing feeling, but also kind of sad and overwhelming, I guess I’m still trying to figure out exactly what this feeling is.

4/12/2024 | Wen, 04 December

"Morning Pages"
I've been noticing the morning sky,
above my window, I look at the horizon in the clouds... the scent of freshness, the soft colors, the sun like an enchanted breeze, that endless, infinite horizon.
It awakes something deep within me,
something familiar yet not mine,
something vast and mythical,
from a time long before I was me.
Something beyond words, beyond any human sensation or memory.
It’s as if I’m looking at the beginning,
the beginning of all that exists,
the new, the novelty, the infinite possibilities before they even become possibilities.
It feels as though I’m a part of the sky.